so i dont know how else to say this. but my grandpa is dying and im terrified. last year i lost my 27 year old cousin, and I just can’t deal with another loss. its triggering on so many levels. in fact it was my main reason for relapsing in both my ED and self harm a year ago. Im just so fucking scared. scared for myself. but scared for my dad the most. he’s been sober and doing fantastic in AA for almost 6-7 months. if his dad passes it will ruin him. he has so much guilt for leaving home so young and for living so far away for thirty something years. its unbelievable. i dont want to imagine the guilt when he’s gone.
i can’t breath right now. and i am just so fucking done with being an adult and all the shit that comes along with it.